The more you love...the harder of letting go....?

you may say that i am happily married, i have 4 kids growing up and a husband who is loyal and all...... but i am still wondering of how might it be if i give in to my first bf.... i ask myself do i love him more? he never leaves my mind, i dont know if he ever think of me or i'm just the one thinks of him? am i in a brink of coveting? though i'm thankful that i never see him.... sometimes i wish that we can talk again... i might be tempted..... but i'm thankful i'm not because i think of my children.... Thank God that i don't see him... or else.... it's okey if idont get a reply to this insanity.... dreaming about your ex...